MINK T.C.A.

5th April 2001

Episode III - I'm Going For A Tom Tit!

It's been a while and I've been slack, something DK has only just started picking up on (dude no wonder we whip your ass at UT with reactions like that). Recently I've had nothing but sh1tloads of tedious scripting to do at work and it's been boring the ass off me. I've lacked inspiration, motivation and sleep. I've got to admit I find my computer a quiet little solace nowadays. It's a place that makes me feel like I'm single again, not that I'd want to swap what I have, but let's face it, when guys are tied down they want to be free and when they're free they want to be tied down. It's just nice to have a space that's just me, my precious...

Unfortunately it's becoming a problem, my personal failings are starting to p*ss me off and I need to get them under control. The biggest one of which is my unrelenting need to collect. From mp3's to pr0n, to warez and gamez, whenever I manage to kick one habit I pick up another one and once I've kicked that I go get another one. It's a vicious circle and I'm beginning to think I'm nothing more than a weak fool!

At the end of the day, collecting gives me a sense of satisfaction, even when I know I'll never manage to collect everything. It used to be fantasy Novels, Magic cards and Roleplay supplements until I hit uni and realised I had no money anymore. Then, as soon as I got a job in Ipswich, it became CD Singles. I would go into Virgin every Saturday pick up all the latest singles that interested me (generally the £1.99 unknown artist ones) and haul them over to the listening booth. I did this so much that I even gave the people who manned the CD player a thankyou card when I had to move back up north. I knew I was sad and stupid, but I just couldn't stop myself. Now I find myself back in the same situation. Staying up late, addicted to using my computer and the net, it's because of this that Detox has suffered (noticed how little the news has been updated?). It's always just one more mp3, one more picture...just one more my precious...

It all started back when I was about eight years old at private school. I come from a poor family, but my real father (who's evil and I never lived with) made a pact with my mum to pay my school fees as long as she paid for everything else. So there I was, the poor boy living with the rich kids. Can you imagine what that's like? Imagine seeing everyone else's parents picking their kids up in BMWs and Mercs, while your mum drives a Cortina. Imagine seeing every other kid have all the stuff you want. It was like every kid in school having all the Pokemon cards and me having none and it inevitably led to theft. I stole other kids things and I stole money off my parents to pay for the things the other kids had and it almost ended with me in care. It was a big moment in my life the day my mum went to see the social worker about me, it changed my whole perception on things and it damn well scared the living sh1t out of me.

All of these things I believe led to me having this unrelenting urge to collect. It's something I guess I'm never going to shake, so what I really want to know is:

How do you learn to control an addiction?

I never thought I'd ever be addicted. I don't smoke, hardly drink and don't do drugs, yet even though I made sure I never succumbed to these temptations, I still have my addictions. They're not life threatening, but they are life altering.

Is it just a case of trying harder?

Do I have no willpower?

I guess only time and the size of our news column will tell.

Thought Of The Day - "Dammit my ass hurts and it's all your fault!"

MINK

Previous MINK T.C.A.:
Episode II - Pancakes & Pr0n
Episode I - Cows & Comix